I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
