i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
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