It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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