So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
