I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
