i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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