just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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