went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
