you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
You're a waste of cheezeits
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
