I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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