Where is the hickey?
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Randomize
