She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
