ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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