so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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