I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
