The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
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