Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Well I just put wine in my tea
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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