I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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