Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
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