ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
