I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
