I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
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