Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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