Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
