Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Randomize
