Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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