Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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