SEEEEXXX PLEASE
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
