quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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