You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Randomize
