I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
