Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
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