so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
