my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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