How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
