If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
