what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
