So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Randomize
