i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
