I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
