Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
