I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
