I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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