Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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