Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I think my nap took me to another dimension
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
