this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
