I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
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