she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
