My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
