u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
