My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Randomize
