I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
