I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
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